I have ONE child. And that’s okay.

I’ve been wanting to blog about this topic for a while…and trying to come up with a way to make it direct but tactful. I hope I’ve succeeded.

Did I plan on having more children? Yes, I did. But having my first at 37 made me start changing my plans.

But that wasn’t the only reason we reversed course after our son was born. There were financial reasons, physical reasons (especially since I had a difficult delivery), and really, we just felt that our family was complete with the three of us. We adore our son and we are happy with our little family.

We’ve considered adoption and may actually go that route SOMEDAY. But so far, God hasn’t led us down that path so we are enjoying our ONE child and pouring all we have into him.

I try to smile and be polite when people tell me its time to have another one (in spite of the fact that I’m about to turn 43). Even when they try to make me feel guilty for not having a brother or sister for my son, I still try to be tactful. But I’ll admit it’s hard sometimes not to say, “It’s none of your business!” I know they mean well.

Does he wish he had siblings sometimes? Yes.

Do I wish he had a built-in playmate sometimes? Absolutely.

Are there days when I imagine what it would be like to have another one? Without a doubt.

There are obviously many benefits of having multiple children. My brothers are now two of my best friends and we have wonderful memories growing up together. And, truth be known, there are times that I regret that my son won’t have that as he gets older. Plus, he will bear the burden of caring for his aging parents alone someday.

However, through our eyes, we see many more positives in having our one child…it’s just right for our family.

1) We can pour everything we have into him.

Because he is our only child, we have more one-on-one (and two-on-one) time with him. We can give him our undivided attention. Now some may say that may lend itself to spoiling but honestly, with us being in our forties, I’m not sure we’d have the energy to keep up with more than one!

[Tweet “Having just one child is right for our family. #onlychild #onechildfamily”]

2) We can give him more experiences than we had growing up.

Because one child is less of a financial burden, we will be able to do more for him than we could if we had more children. We are planning trips that we couldn’t afford if we had more children. We will be able to put him into private school if we decide to go that route. He can participate in more activities as he grows up.

Plus…only one car to buy, one prom to pay for, one child in college, one rehearsal dinner…you get the picture!

3) We won’t have to “divide and conquer” when it comes to extracurricular activities.

I see other parents struggling when two or more of their children have activities at the same time. They may have to split up to cover them and maybe even send a grandparent to an event. I know those families DO find a way to make it work, but with one child we don’t have to deal with that. We can both be present at his activities.

4) We only have one child to worry about, especially as he gets older and more independent.

Unfortunately, both my husband and I are natural worriers. From the time we found out we were pregnant, we have fretted about what could happen with our child. We are getting better with that, and we certainly know that we need to leave him in the Lord’s hands.

But as he starts to venture out on his own, drives, starts a job, goes off to college, we will have just one to keep up with and pace the floor over.

5) We only had to go through potty training once.

Okay, so this point is more comical than anything. But potty training was a struggle and something we really don’t want to endure again! It’s not just potty training but all of the growing pains of raising an infant. Obviously, the joys outweigh the struggles, but with one we know we won’t have to worry about the sleepless nights (mostly, anyway), blowouts, teething, etc.

 ^“I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.” – 1 Samuel 1:27 (NIV)

I want to climb up on my soapbox and say one more thing…

Please do not ask a couple with no children or only one child when they are finally going to have one (or another one). Most likely, you don’t know their reasons. There could be a past miscarriage or present infertility issues. There could be other health problems that others don’t know about. Perhaps they have financial or insurance issues that have contributed to their decision. Or maybe it’s just not meant for them to expand their family. Unless you know for sure, please let THEM be the ones to bring it up. Even if you are joking, even if you mean well. It could just touch an emotional nerve that you don’t know about.

((Stepping off of soap box))

God doesn’t lay the same path for every family. For some families, their path may include many children. For others, it may include none or only one. Some families are meant to go the route of adoption or fostering.

I could probably write a whole other blog post about the pros of having more than one child. The bottom line is, every family is different. Our family is a family of three. And we are beyond thrilled with our one sweet boy.

Love in Christ,

 

 

 

This post was shared in Salt & Light Linkup.